Because Forest and Kelly were Taken
by Kant Newton
Summary: Anya talks finance and romance with a leprechaun while Giles eavesdrops. Challenge response.


DISCLAIMER: I own only the leprechaun

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is in response to a challenge at the Leprechauns Made Me Do It archive.  Here's the challenge:

THE ANYA SEX TALK CHALLENGE by Balticwoman   
Write a story in which Anya seeks out a leprechaun to discuss her love life. Challenge must include: 

Reference to a lawn gnome.  
Giles eavesdropping on the conversation.  
The leprechaun making reference to a vampire she was once involved with (either Spike or Angel).   
The phrase "wayward armchair." 

THE GOOD OLD DAYS

            "There's no use hiding from me, small green capitalist," Anya called out, her voice clear.  She tapped her foot impatiently.

            "What's this?" she called, obviously faking it.  "Savings Bonds with very high interest rates and no one around to claim them?"

            A green hand shot out of nowhere to grab for the fictional bonds.

            Anya bent down and grabbed the hand.

            "I know you're there, Fuscia," she said.

            Reluctantly, the very inappropriately named Fuscia waved her hand and appeared in full in front of Anya's eyes.  

            "You're still green," Anya commented.

            "Your hair has changed colors again," Fuscia told her.

            "I like dyeing my hair," Anya replied.  "It gives me satisfaction when I look in the mirror over my bed during sex and don't recognize myself right away."

            Fuscia nodded.  It rather made some sense.

            "So what do you want, Anya?" Fuscia asked, calling the woman she'd known for centuries by her current name.

            Anya sighed and sat down next to the leprechaun on the ground.  

            "I'm not here for your pot of gold," she said.  "Leprechaun gold has shockingly little fair market value in our current system of capitalistic exchange.  I'm just here for a little advice."

            Fuscia snapped her fingers, and as a wayward armchair appeared next to her, she sat down in it, crossing her little green she-leprechaun legs.

            "So what's the problem," the leprechaun asked speculatively.

            "We've had marvelous breakup sex, goodbye sex, pity sex, apocalypse sex," Anya said, sighing.

            "But you don't want to breakup or say goodbye," the leprechaun said, guessing right as always.

            "I don't understand it," Anya said.  "I should wish him dead, with many holes like the swiss cheese whose price has been steadily climbing in the past four months."  Anya paused.  "But I don't.  I don't want him to die."

            "So, just be with him," Fuscia replied.  "Sex, emotions, the whole nine yards."

            "He left me at the alter," Anya said.

            "Did you respond by immediately sleeping with the nearest vampire of borderline moral status?" Fuscia asked.  "I've found that that's a good course of action, especially if you can find the broody type.  Brooding and sex go together nicely."  

            "Yes," Anya replied, her voice enthused.  "I did do the sleep-with-vampire retaliation route."  

            Fuscia grinned.  "Sweetie, just go home, drag him into your room, and tell him that this ain't over, that it isn't going to be over, and that if he tries anything, your little green friend will put out his eye."

            Anya winced.  "A little late for that," she muttered.

            "Oh," Fuscia said.  "Well, tell him that I'll rob him blind."  Fuscia paused a moment as she thought that over.  "Nevermind," she said.

            "So how's your love life going?" Anya asked.

            "There's a lawn gnome I have my eye on, but he's been ignoring me.  Playing hard to get.  We'll see about that."  The two females sat in silence for a moment.

            "So, have you heard anything interesting about macaroni, those inflatable chairs, tweezers, and a cowboy hat lately?" Anya asked.

            Several yards away, Giles cleaned his glasses, most disconcertedly.  This was not a conversation he wanted to be overhearing.  And yet…

            The leprechaun smiled benevolently at Anya.  "You forgot about the honey and Flintstone vitamins," the leprechaun replied.

            Anya said nothing as she settled into a very pleasant, rather unusual thought.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?  WAS IT A DECENT RESPONSE TO THE CHALLENGE?  

It's my first Buffy fic, so let me know if Anya seemed in character enough.  I might do another one of these challenges if you guys like this one!  Please REVIEW!!!!!!

Oh, and you can find all of the challenges at angelfire-dot-com/moon/lepfic_central.  (spelled out b/c ff.net freaks out if you try to put a link in a story)


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